Well I guess there was no easy way. Here is what I ended up doing. Baking one copy of bump on to another high poly sphere as a diffuse with my manually tweaking the uvs so I could get as close as possible to having less squished textures at the hemispheres.. Then baked another based around A cube I split into triangles enough that I could somewhat fake it twirling around the hemispheres..
I then baked both those out and manually blended them in PS (tooka few hours.. maybe shouldnt have baked it 2048 :P ). I know the blend in max now (thanks for the point out, downloaded that guys tool pack off his site), but from above as could see, wasnt giving right effect.
So anyhow this is what I ended up with. I know this is overkill and still isnt that great. But it is a weapon in game so closer to gamers view than just an environmental asset.
Thanks for all the suggestions. Just wish there was a simpler way to create procedures for us laymen.
(the nipple is on purpose per to blow up)